I tend to think I can be pragmatic and so sometimes I think some dating rules are quite, well, absurd. But then again, what would be of me if I didn’t share my two pesewas on what I think are some vital rules in this jungle we call a dating scene?
I know my advice is unsolicited, at least verbally, but being the clairvoyant (as someone called me in the most kind and sarcastic way possible) human being that I am, I could hear the silent cries from people’s hearts. See how deep I can be? And before you offer medical services, No, I am not schizophrenic. I am okay. I just hear loud silent voices. I digress; forgive me, too much to share.
Well, point is, the dating scene is a mess. I am not claiming to be an expert on the matter; I am not here to give Dr. Hart a run for his money. Rather, I just want to share some findings I got while doing my research.
This is all for the amelioration of this world, I mean, at some point in your life, you have to do something to help this beautiful planet be better, right? My time has come calling, through the request of one generous lady known as Canduh, on whose platform I air my laundry. Don’t worry, it is clean. Without further ado, here are key things to remember as you navigate your way in the mess.
1. Be decisive. If you want to go out on a date, just ask. Don’t wait for some invisible signal that only you, and maybe superman, can see. Just ask. No, hints do not work. Not even the strongest of them all.
2. Pick up the phone to ask that girl out. Dates need to be asked in person or over the phone. This generation is too messed up, thinking texts and chats are a replacement for lacking manners. I may be an old soul, but some things don’t change. Of course unless you want to hang out with her, then by all means, carpet your way to the friend zone through those texts.
3. Men should still suck it up, grow a pair and ask a girl out! Not text or chat her up, but a real face-to-face-risking-rejection good old asking a girl out. I promise you, girls appreciate that. Even when you fumble across your words and be all awkward, some find it too cute and even if they didn’t want to go out with you, they just might say yes. This is not to undermine confidence, by now you know the importance of confidence. If not, you are toooo young to date.
4. Don’t over share after the first date. You are still on trial. Ask any girl. Or guy. We all have scarring and scary experiences.
5. Stop it, I mean STOP IT with the feelings. Or at least wait till the third date, by then, you’ll know where you stand. She won’t think it is cute, she’ll think you are unbalanced emotionally. And even in all aspects of your life.
6. Ask her on a date you can afford. If it is coffee, it is coffee. An expensive dinner or lunch is fine too. Or even a picnic in the park. Don’t go over your budget. There is no need for you to go out on a (meal) date and end up drinking water and cursing the girl because she ordered way above your budget.
7. If you ask a girl out, don’t split the bill. Let her offer and then be the man that your mama raised you to be and decline! Simple. Sorry, no one said life was fair. Guys pay up. Of course, if she asks you out, she pays!
8. Every girl has a story to share on this next point. Guys, when the bill comes, take it. Don’t let it sit there for half an hour so she sits there wondering if you’re going to pay or not. Just take it and say, in the manliest tone ever, “I’ve got this”.
9. Twitter generation suffers from this. When on a date, PUT YOUR PHONE AWAY!! Keep it there the whole darn time. Not rocket science. Would you rather be on Twitter than be with the person sitting across from you? (Or besides you, depending on your sitting arrangement.) If you answered yes, then you shouldn’t be on that date in the first place.
10. WATCH YOUR THROAT NOISES DUDES! Way too many of you have issues with snorting, spitting and generally making strange bodily noises. Do I need to say DISGUSTING?!
11. No rude mouth. Please! Not to anyone, not the waiter, not any staff. Act like you have some upbringing. Some call it chivalry, some call it manners, call it whatever. I’ll call it human. Also offer some chivalrous duties, like pulling her chair for her.
12. Do not think a woman’s intelligence in IT, football, cars or whatever ‘manly things’ you may think, is novel or cute. It is patronizing. Times have changed. Keep up!
13. Whining and self-pity are very unattractive. To both sexes. Period.
14. Don’t play games. Grow up and know it is people’s feelings you are dealing with. You want games, stay alone and buy video games or whatever.
15. If you are not happy with the quality of people you are attracting, stop blaming the world, it is you! Bitter truth, but swallow it so you can get better honey. Adjust your expectations. Desperation is NOT attractive. Have some class for yourself.
16. Very very importantly: Exercise! Be fit. Don’t be afraid of a toned body. We know and we appreciate that you love yourself the way you are, but well, I mean, you can love yourself better. If that is no motivation, do it for your own health’s sake. Unless you are working towards paying hospital bills while your peers enjoy vacations in the Alps and/or the unbelievably white beaches of The Maldives.
17. No one, and I mean no one, will reject you for having zero tattoos. Some, however, might reject you for having too many. Exercise caution. I’d say “to each his own”, but we all know prejudices are real.
18. Be you.
19. Gentlemen; your girl is not your boy. I cannot overstate the importance of this notion. Your girl is not one of your boys. No matter how tight you are or how long you have been dating. Don’t treat her as if she was. If you compete with your boys to see who has the loudest and smelliest farts, save it for them. We have manners.
20. Finally, there are really no strict rules to dating. (Yes, after reading all those 19). Do what makes you two happy. It is your world, create your own guidelines. If you need them. Point is, be happy. Be very happy, life is finite. Forget the world, eeer we don’t care about your life, even if we do pretend to care!
There you have it. Before you attack me with all your keyboarding skills and cuts and what have you, please re-read rule number 20. Cram it. Master it. Put it to heart. Then just laugh because I’ll have you know that even though I know all these rules by heart, yours truly is a single girl! And this piece could be misguided! LOL
Enjoy your future dates. And share your stories.
